Daily Archives: November 20, 2017

Durham Monthly Meeting Minutes, November 19, 2017

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November 19, 2017 Durham Monthly Meeting of Friends convened in worship on Sunday, November 19, 2017 with 17 people present. Clerk Sarah Sprogell read a passage from the Interim New England Faith and Practice spiritual life section on “Inward Retirement.”

1. Dorothy Hinshaw substituted as Recording Clerk in the absence of Susan Rice.

2. Ron Turcotte reported for Ministry and Counsel: a clearness committee for Liana Thompson Knight has met and recommended that she apply to the “Center for Courage and Renewal” founded by Parker Palmer and others, to be trained in their “Facilitator Preparation Program.” Ministry and Counsel will write a letter of support to be included in the application.

3. The meeting approved sending a letter of support for Liana Thompson Knight’s training.

4. Tess Hartford reported for Christian Education Committee: a) Christine Bagilieri, our Child Care Provider, had surgery and Jessica Sheldon has been hired as her substitute to provide childcare whenever Christine is away. b) A wreath making activity and pot luck lunch will be held Sunday, December 3rd . c) An advent candle lighting and song will replace the youth story/song in meeting for worship in December. We will not be telling the Godly Play Advent stories as we have the past few years. d) The annual Christmas program will take place on Saturday, December 16th from 5:00 to 7:00. Soup and sandwiches will be provided after a period of worship, and various offerings of songs, poems and stories. The committee requested that an offering that evening be donated to the Lewiston Immigrant and Refugee Center. A snow date will be posted. e) Martha Sheldon reported that the Adult Sunday School Class is reviewing the Interim Faith and Practice section on Membership. A new class topic will begin in January.

5. The meeting approved that a special offering be taken during the Christmas program to be sent to the Lewiston Immigrant and Refugee Center.

6. Youth Minister Wendy Schlotterbeck reported that she continues to work with the meeting youth who are upper elementary and middle school age. Activities include special events for families, for example the upcoming Wreath and decorating party, Dec. 3. The Halloween party planned for Oct. 30 was canceled due to the storm and power outage.

7. The Durham Meeting “Paid Position” ad hoc committee led by Doug Bennett gave a progress report. They stated that their aim is to make proposals to the meeting about how we can be a better, more vibrant meeting. They developed a template showing the functions and responsibilities of the meeting and are considering which of these functions or responsibilities might be better fulfilled by the addition of a part-time position. A list of tasks/functions and groups responsible is attached. Additional responsibilities were mentioned which might be added to the list. Doug reported that this ad-hoc committee recommends a time table: January monthly meeting, present a draft of 3 or 4 alternative models for a paid position, and present a final version of the alternative models for consideration and decision by the monthly meeting in February at which time this committee will be laid down. E-mail your feedback to Doug.

8. Linda Muller reported for the Peace and Social Concerns Committee: a) Many in Durham Friends Meeting and in the wider community are connecting with folks from other cultures and nations. We are planning an International Welcome Dinner for Friday, January 5 (snow day, January 6). We encourage all connected with Durham Meeting, hosts and exchange students to attend. Invite recent immigrants you have come to know as friends to join us. There will be a sign- up sheet for those attending. b) The committee is concerned as to how they can support those in meeting who are involved in peace and social concerns activities.

9. Margaret Wentworth reported that the Newsletter Committee has reviewed the guidelines for Friendly Notes reaffirming that the Newsletter List is not public; notes should be sent only for urgent reasons, such as: notice of deaths, accidents, or serious illness within the meeting community; previously unannounced special events that will occur before the next newsletter arrives; reminders of very special events; last minute changes; and youth events which need extra publicity.

10. Jo-an Jacobus reported that the Nominating Committee recommends that Margaret Wentworth be added to the committee in the place of Sukie Rice who will be the meeting clerk. The Committee also recommends the following names be approved to be added to the list of committees and officers: Martha Hinshaw Sheldon and Doug Bennett for Ministry and Counsel; Nancy Marstaller for Finance; Nancy Marstaller for Library, Ingrid Chalufour and Brown Lethem for Peace and Social Concerns; Scott Barksdale for Christian Education; Tess Hartford to extend her term on Christian Education for one more year. They recommend that the terms of the following Friends be extended for three years on their respective committees: Margaret Wentworth, David Dexter, and Jo-an Jacobus. A complete report will be made in December.

11. The meeting approved the addition of Margaret Wentworth to the Nominating Committee. It also approved all the other recommendations made for committee appointments by the Nominating Committee. The Minutes will be approved at the December Monthly Meeting.

The meeting adjourned at 1:30. Dorothy Hinshaw, Recording Clerk, pro tem

“How Can I Help You?” by Craig Freshley

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A message by Craig Freshley on November 19, 2017.  You can listen to a recording of it here. Here is a partial text:

I’m going to retell a story that I heard from my friend Gary, I’ve colored in some of the details but basically it goes like this…

Gary was on a business trip for a month, in Bangkok. He was tired, ready to go home. He had been dealing with translators, restaurants, hotels, and difficult relations with business partners. He was headed home to New York, but he had to stop half way there. The flight from Bangkok to Abu Dhabi went well but when he walked into the airport, his heart sank. There were people everywhere: sleeping, talking on cell phones, babies being fed, crying. He made his way to the flight information board and saw his flight… cancelled. He was trying to get home for Thanksgiving. He was tired, hungry, and he kinda snapped. He was angry. He had been doing pretty well with the customers and the changes, but he didn’t need this.

He made his way to the customer service line, and figured he was about 40th. One ticket agent. Tempers flared, tears cried. As he waited, he planned his speech. He figured he was going to get about 3 minutes with this representative, a face-to-face conversation with the faceless corporation that had done him wrong.

After about 1 1/2 hours, he found himself maybe 4th or 5th in line, close enough to overhear what other people were saying, and he refined his speech. He heard the customer service representative. After each person walked away, she gathered herself, looked in the eyes of the next person, and she said, “How can I help you?” He watched her do this repeatedly.

Gary closed his eyes and meditated. He prayed for help, his prayer began with something like “Please help this woman get me to New York”. But then his mind wandered a little bit and he started thinking about her, wondering: Did she have kids? She was about his age. How does she get to the airport? Drive like everyone else and park in the same garage? Maybe she takes the bus – it must be a long bus ride; this airport is kinda far outside the city. Does she wear her uniform on the bus? Do they have to check in through TSA? Maybe… she was called in. Maybe she was called away from her family on short notice, to deal with all these cancellations… I wonder if this is a holiday in Abu Dhabi…

Suddenly he had a new way of looking at the situation and he decided – when I get up to the counter – I’m going to have an attitude of “How can I help you?” He threw out the old speech. He didn’t make a new speech, but he just cultivated a new attitude of ‘how can I help you?’

He decided that he was going to try to see the problem as “their” problem. Not her problem to solve for him. They were both just trying to do their jobs, both in a difficult situation that neither one of them asked for. He decided he was going to be polite, to be patient. He was going to offer her compassion and respect, he was going to provide a respite for her in between dozens of angry customers. And when he got to the counter, he did those things. He acted out the attitude and when they were done, and he was about to walk away, he thanked her for being so helpful.

Gary walked away from that customer service counter feeling better than when he had arrived at that customer service line, not because of what he got from the transaction, but because of what he gave. I never heard if Gary made it back for Thanksgiving. But I’m thinking that maybe it doesn’t matter so much. I suspect that Gary walked away from that counter proud of himself for flipping his attitude and brightening that gal’s day, and he was probably okay with the outcome, whatever it was. I’m guessing.

You know what else? The material outcome probably wouldn’t have changed one bit if he had used speech number one. To me, the story illustrates the power of prayer. To me, I haven’t really seen direct evidence that prayer changes outcomes. Not in a way that is scientifically, or evidence based defensible. I have seen that prayer changes attitudes. That’s what happened in this case. What matters is not the accounting ledger of how people have done me wrong versus how people have done me right. Stuff happens. Bad things happen to good people. I can get myself in such a knot, such a bad mood trying to keep track of that ledger and trying to manage that ledger. What matters is a feeling of peace and happiness. We are seduced into thinking that by managing the ledger, by trying to get more than I paid for, that’s going to bring me peace and happiness. But, there is a short cut. The short cut is a change in attitude. In Gary’s case, his attitude changed through prayer and meditation. Attitudes are contagious. I like to think that while Gary was at the customer service counter, having his conversation, a person 3 places back overheard a snippet of that conversation and a way opened for that person to see things in a new light.